Thursday, September 29, 2005

Hello Group!

Hello Commitments Group! Once I receive everyone's email from Jen (our Group Leader) I'm going to send them an invite to post to this blog. I also encourage others to join the blog (unless someone in our group thinks otherwise).

Clarity is hard to see when my eyes are closed! Time to open my eyes!

Commitments:
to run a marathon on January 29, 2006
being a proud gay man
restoring my credit
acknowledging when I'm running a racket and giving it up!
being honest to myself
being free and independent
being 26 years old

What are yours??

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Clarity...please

So, I went away for the weekend to Oregon for a friend's wedding. During this time, I spent the entire weekend being me. It was such a great feeling. Never once did I wonder, "what are they going to think of me if I do...?" There was so much laughter; I haven't laughed that hard for a long time.

I chose to break up with John. He still sees it as a decision (he's a LMF grad). Yes, I did make considerations (Pros & Cons), but I thought I had made a choice independent of these considerations. Maybe he sees something that I'm not aware of. Maybe he just really loves me and doesn't want to let me go. Maybe I'm just trying to make sense of something that I just need to get over it! ;)

Friday, September 23, 2005

What does it all mean?

It means nothing.

It is good to see Jennifer analyze her relationship with her son and question the concept of listening vs hearing. Good for him to consider LMF.

I have found that I do not listen soooooo much (i.e I hear myself talking on the inside as soon as the others open their mouths). It is challenge to listen and not analyse, but just hear (with your hart). Once I start listening, I start hearing what others are telling me: their pains, need for attention, fears, etc... (We all talk about the same thing!!!)Mind you, these are not results of interpretation of what I already/always hear, but feelings from a little compassion, openness and feelings.

It is good to see Leigh open up to both things she was always great at (career, signing) and to personal issues she didn't let herself enjoy for years. Leigh, I'll buy your excel book and your CD.

It is good to see Bianca smile on the cat-walk during the fashion show in appreciation to people's admiration of her, her style, and her work.

What else happening in your lives?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Making sense of the chaos

Hi all. I am overwhelmed by all of the possibilities that I want to manifest in my life. And committing them to writing is much more scary than just saying them. The written word is so permanent, you know? Fear aside, here's a short list of my favorite possibilities (excluding the one you already know about):

TO BE POWERFULLY PRODUCTIVE AND CREATIVE. There are two projects I have been putting off for a long time. First, I've been threatening to record a CD for years. So, I am committing to recording and releasing a CD of my music within a year. (Talk about lofty, grandiose plans, huh?) You'll all be invited to the CD release party, of course! Second, I've talked about writing another Excel book for a long time. (Sorry, I think Thomas is the only one who knows that I write computer books in my spare time.) This project is along the lines of "The Only Excel Function Book You'll Ever Need." (Did that just put you to sleep?) The trick with this one is that I want to self-publish it and figure out how to distribute it electronically. I don't want to work with a traditional publisher on this one.

TO CREATE A LIFE OF ABUNDANCE. What does that mean? Abundant love, freedom, money, expression...all the yummy stuff. Why not?

TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT JUDGING OTHERS. Now that really would be freedom, wouldn't it?

Oh, and one more thing...can I be just like Linda when I grow up? :-)

STILL LISTENING THE SAME WAY????

WOW!! Have i noticed the brain boogie going on about my Rackets!!!

I have become so aware of so many things that are inauthentic about who i have chossen to be or what i thought i was. Wow talk about needing courage.

Its almost as it that little voice in my head has an army! But thank God for the clarity. I noticed that when I CHOSE be different from my inauthenticity in a particular area, the brain boogie about it stopped, and i feel clearer about where or what to do next, but it TRULY IS AN IN THE MOMENT THING! From on to the next.

In conversing with my son I notced automatic rackets with my language, and even tone. So I tried and experiment with him. I called him from another room; and instead if thoughtlessly calling him as I usually would, I specifically thought about peace and lovingness, I imaged how I would like our relationship to BE.

"Stephan??!....?"

He did't hear me.

I called again more loving, sweet whatever.

"Stephan?!??...???"

He didn't hear me.

I laughed to myself, and called him like i usually do,

"Stephan!!?"

...and what happened?

He heard me.

Talk about not listening. (smile) I realized he is used to listening to me in a particular way and
so I simply don't speak to him the way i used to. He is very confused. (what is going on with mom) but has admitted that he see bigger potential for us to communicate.

And he will be taking the Landmark Forum.

Possibilitys are as open as your awareness to your RACKETS!

Keep the chin up!

The Forum has been the first group activity *ever* that I fully participated in. It has opened my mind to new possibilities to share, open my mind, remove communication issues, and enjoy my life without looking back.
My relationship with friends staid the same after the LM Forum (or so -- I want them to take LMF now), but my relationship with others vastly improved. Yup, amazing how much better people they have become. :o)
I need to keep reminding myself of the principles I have learned and stop the little voice from creeping up again. Openness is the way.

Thomas

A Blog just for us!...time to share and inspire!


Hello everyone! I thought I would create a Blog and invite everyone to share their possibilities.

Post away and invite others!

Brad